for the past few days, i have been having many conflicting thoughts. to put it simply, i'll go from happy to sad, then sad to happy again. really like a coaster ride, though im terrified of those.
well i told myself that i'd suffer from the consequences, and indeed i have and still am. choices that i've made havent proved to be good at all but i'll live and learn. if only i could really write down everything that's in my head here, but it's like making a public announcement and i musnt forget that this is worldwideweb. i have to again make this decision to tear my emotions away for good, and make that decision final. but right now it still isn't. somehow i find myself waiting, always at that corner peeking from the corner of my eye. as if i'm waiting for something to happen. now kill that thought, because not only is it selfish it's immoral. you know they say the thought itself is worse than the action? i beg to differ. trust me, the action stays on longer.
so besides this whole "gee cut my heart out with a knife" thing going on, everything falls perfectly into place and seems so surreal. the big news is, i got into NUS law and i was so goddamn happy but the happiness died down already. well it certainly is an achievement for me, you guys should know i was so scared that i wouldn't get it. now that it's here i don't know why im still thinking about smu business&acct. my parents definitely won't let me take that, but a little part of me wants to go there. nahhh screw that thought. but i bloody hell can't imagine myself slogging out like what my sister did, doing so much readings and writing so many essays.......... hopefully this will be the right decision to accept the offer. i most probably will but i'm scared.
and on fri night i was supposed to meet michh for our usual fri night outing, but smartypants me went to take a little nap at 5pm, set the alarm at 7pm to get ready and go meet her, and smartypants me got woken up by my mom at 330am after her mahjong game with just a simple phrase, " what time did you come back? " felt so guilty and pissed off with myself cos i missed one good friday night. but it's funny to admit, my outrageous sleeping habits.
last night there was a bbq party at qix's house. wasn't going to go but it all worked out well in the end. i had a hell lot of fun, as usual with my face so goddamn red. but it was funny and everyone was high i swear. throughout the night there was no callchecks from my parents and i reached home at 4am and no scolding whatsoever. amazingly unbelieveable. (perks of getting into the course your parents die die want you to go) haha.
okay then, it's vesak day, i have a hell lot to mark it's the last week of work for me. so have a good week everyone.